Welcome to the world’s only hotel completely removed from time and space! We are proud to host guests of all time periods and alternate dimensions, manifesting wherever desperate and weary travelers need us most. No matter who you are, or where (or when) you’re from, your room will be ready just as soon as you step in the door. Please do not be alarmed if your room suddenly shifts floors, or several doors to the left - this is simply the Hotel rearranging itself to create more vacancies! Our rates are flexible, so please pay as much as you can afford.

Our amenities include an outdoor courtyard and pool, an indoor gym and day spa, a ballroom for conferences, an arcade and billiards room, several restaurants, the boiler room, the room with blood-covered walls, the library, a parlor and billiards room, an in-house drug store, the famous McKiddie Murder Room, an indoor croquet court, a presidential suite, a sports bar and billiards room, vending machines, and ice machines. PLEASE NOTE THAT THE OUTDOOR COURTYARD AND POOL ARE CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE AS OF SUMMER 1990. All doors to the outdoor courtyard and pool have been locked indefinitely. Please notify the staff if the doors to the outdoor courtyard and pool are breached.!

Our staff members pride themselves on being on call 24/7 - if you find something not to your liking, feel free to ring the Night Manager at the front desk, and they will try their best to accomodate you. Please note that we will not be accepting any further calls inquiring as to the whereabouts of the Day Manager. The investigation is ongoing, and we have no more information to release at this time.

The Hotel California is newly renovated and refurbished for the 2020 season, hoping to address recent reviews of the establishment of being “haunted” and “sincerely uncomfortable to pass the time in”. If you have comments for us, make sure to fill out a feedback form and return it to the front desk the front desk, or contact a member of our staff directly at hotelcali.frontdesk@gmail.com.